The Other 20
by nikkiRA
Summary: Oneshot, TamakiHaruhi/ "Boss, are you not appropriately fulfilling your husbandly duties?" Tamaki learns a startling statistic.


It's Kyoyo who tells him.

It's just in passing, and he doesn't even remember why it came up. He thinks it happens because of the twins, who had gotten especially lewd since the wedding. They were being obnoxious and he was sitting in the corner with his fingers in his ears and singing loudly, determined not to listen to them, but he somehow hears Kyoyo's low voice (this doesn't surprise him. He's pretty sure Kyoyo can ignore the laws of physics if he decides he doesn't want to follow them) float through his ears.

"Regardless, it's estimated that up to 80% of females fake their orgasms."

Tamaki doesn't understand the context this is said in, and he doesn't need to know. Kyoyo doesn't even look up as Tamaki lets out a strangled scream, as if he had expected that reaction. The twins jumped back in unison, before exchanging looks that, to Tamaki, appeared to be dripping in evil. "Does this mean what I think it does?"

"Sure does," Hikaru answers his brother. The both turned to look at him. "Boss, are you not appropriately fulfilling your husbandly duties?"

Tamaki sputters incoherently for a few moments before running over to Kyoyo so quickly he leaves skid marks on the ground. "That's not true, right? That can't be true. How would they even get that kind of information? There's no way it's true. Why would it be true?" Kyoyo continues typing on his computer while Hikaru and Kaoru are clasping hands and singing at him, "Bad husband bad husband bad husband."

With great desperateness Tamaki grabs Kyoyo by the front of his shirt and brings his face right up to Tamaki's. "_That's not true right?"_

Kyoyo calmly disentangles Tamaki's hands from his shirt and watches as he slumps to the floor. "You're being overdramatic."

"What else is new," Hikaru and Kaoru say at the same time. Tamaki is making strange groaning noises.

"You can always just ask her, boss."

Kaoru laughs at what his brother clearly meant as a joke – imagine asking Haruhi if she faked her orgasms! – but Tamaki looks up with a glint in his eye.

"I can ask her. I should ask her!"

"We were –"

"Joking," Hikaru finishes lamely as Tamaki bounds out of the room. They both turn to Kyoyo who cuts them off before they can start with a raised finger.

"Don't bother. Haruhi will deal with it perfectly fine."

Silence ensues as they all envision the situation. Finally Honey, from on top of Mori's shoulders, says rather quietly, "Tama-chan is going to get destroyed."

"HARUHHIIIIIII." Tamaki is screaming bloody murder as he crashes through their front door. "HARUHHIIIII. HARUHHIII ARE YOU FAKING YOUR –"

When he sees her at the table he has enough time to register the friend sitting with her, but not quickly enough that he's able to avoid finishing the sentence. "– ORGASMS?"

He regrets it as soon as it comes out of his mouth. The look on Haruhi's face almost melts him.

"What."

The friend who is sitting beside her is red in the face with what he thinks is embarrassment but what, he finds out seconds later, is laughter. Haruhi, on the other hand, does not look even remotely amused.

The friend (Aina, he thinks. Aiko? Doesn't matter) is looking from Tamaki to Haruhi and back again, giggling in an incredibly infuriating way. Tamaki remembers Haruhi telling him, one day, that all of her new girlfriends were stupidly in love with him. He had pulled her on top of him before saying, "sometimes it's tiring, breaking so many hearts." She had snorted obnoxiously, in the cutest way possible, "it must be so hard," to which he had replied, "something is." She had laughed in his face, "that's disgusting," and he had kissed her and –

And she had probably faked that orgasm he (thought) he'd given her.

"Tamaki." Back to the present. She lets out a long breath, clearly trying to calm down. "Please get out."

"Um –"

"_We can do this another time."_

Her tone clearly says, "we WILL do this another time, or there will be no more orgasms for either of us ever."

He slumps to the bedroom, defeated as he collapses onto their bed. He lies on Haruhi's side and breathes in her scent, certain that he has ruined everything and he will never sleep beside her again.

"_Haruhi. Haruhi I'm sorry."_

"_It doesn't matter. This will never work. It was silly to think so."_

"_Haruhi, I love you –"_

"_It's over, Tamaki."_

"_No!"_

"_Also I'm in love with Kyoyo-senpai."_

"_Nooooo!"_

"_Also I'm taking Antoinette with me."_

"_NOOOOO!"_

"_And I think your hair is dumb."_

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

"May I ask what you're doing?"

Tamaki stops sobbing pathetically into the pillow he is clutching to look up at the stony figure of his wife in the doorway. He resists the urge to grovel at her feet, only because he knows it won't help his situation.

"Are you in love with Kyoyo?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Are you stealing Antoinette?"

"Tamaki what the _hell –"_

"Do you like my hair?" His voice is a sad little whimper at this point.

"Excuse m –"

"Do you still love me?"

She softens the tiniest bit. "Of course I do. Idiot. What are you talking about?"

"Do you fake your orgasms?"

"Again with that, what are you _talking _about? And what the hell made you think it was a good idea to barge in the room with that question?"

"I didn't know you had friends over!"

"Tamaki!"

She is _really _angry. Really angry. He looks up at her –

"Don't you even _try _with those eyes!"

He immediately sobers up. "Why don't you tell me what in the _world _is happening?"

"The twins were being obnoxious and then Kyoyo said that 80% of women fake their orgasms –"

"Why were you talking about orgasms?"

"I don't know, I was singing."

It's a great testament to the nature of their relationship that Haruhi doesn't even blink at this statement.

"And then everyone started saying that I wasn't fulfilling my husbandly duties –" Eye roll from Haruhi – "so I rushed back here because I was afraid you had been faking this whole time and I wasn't, you know. Good."

Haruhi takes a deep breath, looks up at the ceiling as if asking God for strength, and then sits down next to him. She takes his hand in hers, turns him so he's facing her, and says, clearly and with great emphasis, "you're an idiot."

"Yes."

"Do not ever listen to the twins. Ever. Separately or together. I'm not sure which is worse."

"Yes."

"And sometimes your hair is kinda stupid."

Tamaki looks momentarily horrified before Haruhi laughs in his face. "I'm kidding. I love your hair. I do."

He relaxes into her, rests his head on her shoulder. "So…"

"You're still thinking about it, huh?"

"_Eighty percent."_

"Tamaki. I promise every orgasm you have ever given me was real."

"Even the first time?"

A pause. "I promise every orgasm after the first time was real."

He laughs and kisses her on the cheek. She turns her head so he catches her lips. "Promise?"

She grabs him by the collar and kisses him harder. "Promise."

He pushes her backwards. "Prove it."


End file.
